As empaths, we know first hand what it feels like to be abused either overtly or covertly.
We often look at abuse as being physical in nature and the worst possible form of abuse.
I’m here to share another very powerful and potent form of abuse, which is covert and none the less toxic to any relationship, either friendship, family or foe.
Covert abuse, in my opinion is one of the most insidious forms of abuse. It’s hidden, dangerous and behaviour that is hard to “pin down”!
Non confrontation, triangulation, group scapegoating (family/work etc) are the main weapons of destruction.
If you have been in relationship with a covert abuser, you will know the “crazy making” tactics of theses “non confrontational” people.
To the world they are a “nice” person and behind closed doors or to those closest to them, they can become the worst perpetrators out.
Non confrontation is at the heart of this insidious behaviour.
Anything that is hidden, pushed down, avoided, denied does not go away.
It goes underground and seeps out in “emotionally covert” ways mainly on those who are innocent parties to the unhealed wounding.
A home or car is a perfect example of whether someone is “facing” things in life in a healthy way or not.
A person taking responsibility for their life will clean up after themselves, including their home, car and cupboards. These will reveal the persons accountability of facing life and their own shadow or “stuff.”
Unresolved trauma, big or small will eventually leak out to those around us if they aren’t faced and dealt with.
Health of the body is also a good indication in what is going on for a person on a more subtle energetic and emotional level. Any unresolved issues will eventually manifest in the physical in the way of dis-ease, illness or chronic pain.
Here are a few signs of toxic behaviour in relationships which will erode away any sense of safety or true connection in a relationship.
Resistance to giving the partner what they desire.
For example, if a partner wants to hear compliments, the abuser will purposely stop giving compliments even if this was abundant in the initial “love bombing” stage.
Triangulation with other women.
Particularly ex partners or with “friends” of the opposite sex they are attracted to.
Procrastination.
Promising to do something eg sending a testimonial or review, but never doing it, as a way to maintain control.
Withholding.
Withholding love and affirmation, both which are necessary for a healthy relationship to flourish.
Scapegoating with family or friends.
Always bringing in the “I don’t have this problem with friends” when the dynamics of a platonic relationship will be very different to a more intimate relationship where emotions and vulnerability are high.
Projections.
Projecting their perception of you onto you, when your intentions were pure and innocent. For example, sharing you are greedy when infact you are an incredibly thoughtful and giving person.
Unfair stance.
“I’m right and you are wrong”. We all make mistakes and from my years of studying human behaviour, it is nearly always the empath who will own their “wrongs” and mistakes. Toxic abuse is when somebody is never wrong and always creates the “win/lose” pattern of inequality and destruction.
7 Steps Empaths can take to ensure this toxic abuse does not infuse your life and heart in a negative and diminishing way. Reclaim your healthy sense of power and self love!
Boundaries.
Even as women, we are given the protector energy for good use. We can have our own back and sides and front! :) When we feel an unkind energy coming towards us, we can say NO to it, speak our truth or walk away. By saying NO to abuse, we are saying YES to Self Love!
Speaking your truth.
For full self expression, it is so important we allow ourselves to share our truth in full flow. We have a message to share and it is an act of self love to share this with those around us, especially if somebody is going against the values and boundaries you believe in and are here to uphold.
Trusting your truth.
Energy doesn’t lie, but words can. Women have a strong sense of healthy intuition. We feel, sense and see things that can’t always be quantified. There is a particular quality of a persons energy that we can feel. We need to learn to trust this a lot more. Your intuitive truth never lies.
Self love.
What would self love do? If you were talking to a small child, what would be the most loving message and action you would share in a toxic situation the child was in? Self love is the most important lesson for us to learn as empaths. Infact, i’d go as far as to say our actual life depends on it!
Inspired action.
Listening, seeing, intuiting are all amazing gifts of an empath. And the next step is often the missing piece for many. To take inspired action towards your YES and away from your NO. If somebody is treating you with disrespect, triangulating you, cheating on you, the biggest form of self love we can give ourselves is to take inspired action of moving away from the toxic situation. A lot more difficult to do, especially in an intimate relationship, and yet it’s the most important step to be free from abuse in any relationship.
Community Support.
Tribal support is vital. We thrive when we feel a sense of safety in a group, family or community. For some empaths, it maybe difficult to have a healthy relationship with family, with others, their family maybe their soul tribe. It’s important to feel a sense of safety to be yourself and feel protected with the people you are with. Ensure you have a healthy community of people in your life who have your back…and sides and front! :)
Surrender to 1:1 Healing or Coaching.
Not everybody needs help and support. Some people are able to navigate life by themselves and have only minor experiences of subtle forms of abuse experienced. For many empaths, though, we have the tendency to be the sensitive and the scapegoat in many situations. My advice for gaining support is to receive support from somebody who has been there and healed. There are many healers who have and are going through what you are going through. The best support will be from those who have healed and have expertise in your field of interest.
If you would love to know about the support I offer in the way of Transformational Retreats and Private Coaching, please do visit the following link to learn more.
Here’s to self love and healthy boundaries!
Please leave a comment and let the know how you are empowering yourself in life to say YES to SELF LOVE and NO to TOXIC ABUSE!
Much love everyone
Sharon (Angelica)